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Post by cocrt21 on Mar 7, 2009 9:30:06 GMT -5
Based on the press release that the district issued this week - sounds like they were unable to say all they had been doing to the offenders in school for the past months. The father contendend nothing. There was apparently more than met the eye, but they couldnt say to him or anybody else.
So MM called him a lying MF'er.
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Post by eb204 on Mar 7, 2009 9:35:11 GMT -5
Based on the press release that the district issued this week - sounds like they were unable to say all they had been doing to the offenders in school for the past months. The father contendend nothing. There was apparently more than met the eye, but they couldnt say to him or anybody else. So MM called him a lying MF'er. And I agree, it was in very poor taste. I hope this gets resolved for all the families involved. They have all been through enough.
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Post by concerned on Mar 7, 2009 9:42:09 GMT -5
Who does silence serve?
In the time since I sat, stunned, watching the deteriorating Indian Prairie Unit District 204 school board meeting nearly two weeks ago, it seems to me this entire situation begs that one question.
The parents of the Gregory Middle School boys charged with sexually assaulting one of their classmates off school grounds presumably would have preferred silence to the coverage the incident has attracted.
Superintendent Stephen Daeschner finally issued a statement last week via e-mail. But afterward, the Daily Herald said, he "was unavailable according to calls placed to his office and home." He obviously is a fan of silence.
And at the Feb. 23 school board meeting, then-school board President Mark Metzger demanded silence of time-challenged speakers and clapping-to-support-them audience members.
Since then, Metzger probably wishes he'd kept his typing fingers silent. But as far as I'm concerned, his now infamous e-mail mistakenly sent in hurried anger last Friday was but a blip compared with his behavior Feb. 23.
The speakers that night were eloquent critics of silence. In particular was the parent and ER nurse who noted most of the world prefers to keep sexual assault a secret. "If it weren't for the brave actions of these parents, this still would be a secret," she said of the parents of the alleged victim. "But since nothing has been done, what child would come forward now?"
It is understandable that a case such as this necessitates prudence, some acquiescence to legal restrictions. But the silence that came from Indian Prairie officials since the alleged attack on Nov. 11 was deafening. Then, when Naperville Unit District 203 Superintendent Alan Leis sent an e-mail to his district discussing the fact one of the Gregory assailants had transferred - of his parent's own accord - to a District 203 junior high, the juxtaposition of how to handle a sensitive issue and how not to was dramatic.
Not only did Leis address the situation head on, he took reporters' phone calls, answered their questions and - in a move that would be a matter of course if it did not so clearly illuminate how the situation was not handled in 204 - he invited parents to direct questions or concerns directly to him and provided a phone number and e-mail address.
Meanwhile, back at the District 204 school board meeting, Metzger spent the evening cutting off speakers at the stroke of 3 minutes and reprimanding audience members. The first speaker, the victim's father, spoke with passion but in a completely dignified and appropriate manner about how he felt about the district's perceived lack of action - during and after which he was supported by thunderous applause from the crowd.
Next time, he told the superintendent, don't wait until the school board finds out about such an incident - tell them. Next time, "have the human decency" to meet with the parents immediately.
As he suggested each school board candidate this election would be asked about the handling of his son's case, his time was up and he was cut off by Metzger. Certainly, there is a prescribed limit on public speakers at all governmental meetings. But since there were only a few speakers signed up to talk and it was only about 8:15 p.m. when they began, it wouldn't have hurt to give him the few extra moments it would have taken to say what he had waited so long to say.
Oscar winners speak over the exit music; presidential candidates speak over understanding moderators' protests, but at that meeting, no taxpayer was allowed to speak more than precisely 180 seconds.
Remember, this was a man who said he had been trying to work with the school district for three months. His family's life had been extremely difficult for those months, trying to help his child get through the trauma while trying to get the alleged perpetrators out of his son's immediate day-to-day life.
He wanted, perhaps needed, a few minutes to publicly express his frustration. Imagine trying to shut him up after 180 seconds at 8:15 p.m. with just a half-dozen or so speakers signed up to speak in 3-minute increments after him. He tried to keep talking, but then - in a restrained manner I am certain I wouldn't have been able to muster - accepted Metzger's demands and sat down.
His family's attorney was next. He identified himself as a former school board member in another district. To protest the "horrendous lack of action by this board" he bluntly detailed each act the alleged attackers were accused of. He described how the alleged attack was photographed and sent via cell phone for other classmates to look at.
He, too, tried to continue talking to wrap up his remarks, but Metzger stood his ground. When the crowd supported the lawyer, saying, "Let him finish!" Metzger shouted, "I'll clear the room!" The defining statement of a man favoring silence.
Several speakers then addressed the board, each with obvious anger and disappointment about the past three months.
At the end of the speakers' comments, Metzger began to address the crowd, perhaps in response to the many residents who said things like the last speaker, "Address the issue - say something to show you care! Are you going to do something, or if not, why? When do you plan to address us?"
Metzger told the crowd one of the two accused boys no longer was attending Gregory and the parents of the alleged victim had signed an order allowing the other accused child to stay at Gregory if he stayed 100 feet from the victim at all times.
The victim's father stood to note he had signed the protective order as a last resort, with no other option given to him. The two began to shout at each other and Metzger asked the police officer who sat outside the meeting all evening to escort the father out. The meeting ended on that note.
The crowd remained for a few moments, frozen by what had happened. It was another of many chances that evening Metzger had to address the audience, but didn't.
My lasting impression of the overwhelmingly disappointing meeting was my wholehearted agreement with the mother of the alleged victim who, among her more personal comments about the nightmare she has been living since Nov. 11, said, "I used to stand behind the school district. But I can't stand behind you anymore."
The only response the board truly gave the issue that night was the common-sense suggestion from Curt Bradshaw who supports a victim's rights policy or a board policy change to a new "default response."
"If it were me, my default response would be to move an (alleged) aggressor to a school away from a (alleged) victim to give the victim the best opportunity to recover and thrive," Bradshaw said.
Despite some discussion, the issue was left unresolved and continued.
So instead of a victim's rights policy that sparks an automatic move of alleged aggressors, their alleged victims will continue to suffer. When silence endures, bullying continues and left to continue, can escalate.
This child's parents have chosen to speak out instead of sweeping the allegations involving their son's experience under a rug.
Silence, of course, serves bullies.
• Joni Hirsch Blackman lives on a cul-de-sac in the Gregory Middle School attendance area. Contact her at jonihb@aol.com.
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sushi
Master Member
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Post by sushi on Mar 7, 2009 9:45:10 GMT -5
quote from eb204 "I question what the lies really are in this case. If you take "this MF" out of that email, and replace it with "Mr. zxxx, it would read " I think it's about time I issued a response and blow up the lies Mr. xxx continues to tell." If he had written that and sent it to Mr. xxxx, there would be a very different story here. Of course, I wonder if that email would have been circulated so quickly through the district or even made its way to the media?
I'm still interested in the lies that are allegedly being told. There are many that want to sweep that under the rug.[/quoteThat is exactly my point. I am curious - who hasn't, in the heat of things, used an expletive out of frustration. It makes one feel a release of frustration using a strong expletive. I will admit to using them almost daily, especially when driving. It is an unfortunate situation; MM stepped down; end of that part of the story.
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Post by concerned on Mar 7, 2009 9:48:23 GMT -5
Allowing MM to stay on the board will result in more of the same. This petitions is not an NSFOC action. It has been started by a couple who resides in the Gregory attendance area. I understand the concern by many on this board that it could be related to NSFOC, but read Joni's article. NSFOC and the Gregory situation are two different issues. This is not about a third HS, this is about a boy who was attacked and parents who want to keep him safe. What could this father be lying about and if he is protecting his child so be it. The administration refused to sit with this family. It took all this drama to get that to happen. What would you do to protect you child? ?
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Post by gatormom on Mar 7, 2009 9:52:39 GMT -5
Allowing MM to stay on the board will result in more of the same. This petitions is not an NSFOC action. It has been started by a couple who resides in the Gregory attendance area. I understand the concern by many on this board that it could be related to NSFOC, but read Joni's article. NSFOC and the Gregory situation are two different issues. This is not about a third HS, this is about a boy who was attacked and parents who want to keep him safe. What could this father be lying about and if he is protecting his child so be it. The administration refused to sit with this family. It took all this drama to get that to happen. What would you do to protect you child?? Immediately remove him or her from the school and in this case with pictures being circulated, move.
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Post by wvhsparent on Mar 7, 2009 10:07:19 GMT -5
Allowing MM to stay on the board will result in more of the same. This petitions is not an NSFOC action. It has been started by a couple who resides in the Gregory attendance area. I understand the concern by many on this board that it could be related to NSFOC, but read Joni's article. NSFOC and the Gregory situation are two different issues. This is not about a third HS, this is about a boy who was attacked and parents who want to keep him safe. What could this father be lying about and if he is protecting his child so be it. The administration refused to sit with this family. It took all this drama to get that to happen. What would you do to protect you child? ? I don't think anyone is lying per se on either side....It's all a matter of perspective. Take the emotion out and examine what's left.... Let's use a different example. and 3 male co-workers at Mega Corp..... These 3 co-workers go out after work and do the same to one of them as to our victim after a few too many adult beverages. Later on our victim tell his parents what happened and they tell his supervisor what happened, he passes it up the line to his boss. It's also reported to the local police and the other 2 are arrested, and are out on bail. Do you fire the 2 aggressors...I did not happen at work? The workers, bosses and HR get together and decide to re-assign the aggressors to another Dept in the same building. The CEO is informed and told the incident has been handled. The victim's parents demand to speak with CEO. The CEO says the matter has been handled by those below him, and has nothing new to add. Now the Board of Directors find out because the parents went to the press.... I'm not trying to justify what DrD did or did not do. It would have been in everyone's best interest if he had met with them. I just think that the parent's are blowing things waaaay out of proportion, which has been perceived as a lie. Does that make sense. Before you respond............go to Vulcan mode and leave your emotions out.
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Post by drdavelasik on Mar 7, 2009 10:14:47 GMT -5
Allowing MM to stay on the board will result in more of the same. This petitions is not an NSFOC action. It has been started by a couple who resides in the Gregory attendance area. I understand the concern by many on this board that it could be related to NSFOC, but read Joni's article. NSFOC and the Gregory situation are two different issues. This is not about a third HS, this is about a boy who was attacked and parents who want to keep him safe. What could this father be lying about and if he is protecting his child so be it. The administration refused to sit with this family. It took all this drama to get that to happen. What would you do to protect you child?? Immediately remove him or her from the school and in this case with pictures being circulated, move. Move? In this econony? You cannot be serious. So in addition to spending time in family counseling they should also quit their job and also take on a second mortgate (houses aren't selling overnight)? Amazing! I find it utterly ridiculous the length some on this green board go to in an effort to support MMs bad behavior. Let's place this all on the victim's family to resolve.
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Post by cocrt21 on Mar 7, 2009 10:15:01 GMT -5
I dont know what company you work at - but in the professional/corporate world - if you committed a violent sexual felony against another employee - you would be terminated, not reassigned to another department.
And again the current school code already provdes that if you committed this act against a teacher or staff member you would have already been expelled.
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Post by gatormom on Mar 7, 2009 10:21:15 GMT -5
Move? In this econony? You cannot be serious. So in addition to spending time in family counseling they should also quit their job and also take on a second mortgate (houses aren't selling overnight)? Amazing! I find it utterly ridiculous the length some on this green board go to in an effort to support MMs bad behavior. Let's place this all on the victim's family to resolve. No, I am not supporting the adminstration or the SB here. I am responding to what I would do. Yes, I would move. Everyone has to do what is right for their children. For me, getting my child as far away from the accused and the neighborhood would be all that mattered. It is not right that victims in this country are not protected better but I am not going to sit around and wait for the system to change.
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sushi
Master Member
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Post by sushi on Mar 7, 2009 10:30:13 GMT -5
Move? In this econony? You cannot be serious. So in addition to spending time in family counseling they should also quit their job and also take on a second mortgate (houses aren't selling overnight)? Amazing! I find it utterly ridiculous the length some on this green board go to in an effort to support MMs bad behavior. Let's place this all on the victim's family to resolve. No, I am not supporting the adminstration or the SB here. I am responding to what I would do. Yes, I would move. Everyone has to do what is right for their children. For me, getting my child as far away from the accused and the neighborhood would be all that mattered. It is not right that victims in this country are not protected better but I am not going to sit around and wait for the system to change. [/color] I couldn't agree more. The sad thing is, the victim may be teased about this terrible incident for another four years at HS, whether his attackers are there or not. I would really move out of Dodge.
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Post by concerned on Mar 7, 2009 10:41:18 GMT -5
Allowing MM to stay on the board will result in more of the same. This petitions is not an NSFOC action. It has been started by a couple who resides in the Gregory attendance area. I understand the concern by many on this board that it could be related to NSFOC, but read Joni's article. NSFOC and the Gregory situation are two different issues. This is not about a third HS, this is about a boy who was attacked and parents who want to keep him safe. What could this father be lying about and if he is protecting his child so be it. The administration refused to sit with this family. It took all this drama to get that to happen. What would you do to protect you child?? Immediately remove him or her from the school and in this case with pictures being circulated, move. Wow!! In this economy!! Maybe this is what you would do, but I never, never, try and to pass judgment until I have walked in someone shoes. You don't know their personnel affairs. Have you seen the unemployment rates? Easy to say until you are faced with this situation. I guess MM gets a free pass. He can use the district email and call a taxpayer a vulgar name and then stepping down as SB president is his hand slapping??? Really???
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Post by eb204 on Mar 7, 2009 10:45:08 GMT -5
Immediately remove him or her from the school and in this case with pictures being circulated, move. Move? In this econony? You cannot be serious. So in addition to spending time in family counseling they should also quit their job and also take on a second mortgate (houses aren't selling overnight)? Amazing! I find it utterly ridiculous the length some on this green board go to in an effort to support MMs bad behavior. Let's place this all on the victim's family to resolve. People have gone into debt or taken second mortgages for less. I would do whatever it took to get my child out of that school or even district, even if it meant pulling my child from his group of supportive friends. I don't think everyone is supporting MM's choice of words in that email or his perceived lack of compassion to the family. It's a matter of being able to look objectively at the situation. I believe there is a unanimous agreement that what he did was in very poor taste. He's received his conseqence for that. I find it incredible the lengths some who have recently come back to this board will go to to publicly hang the man. If anyone else on the board had sent that email, there wouldn't be the lynch mob there is over MM.
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Post by drdavelasik on Mar 7, 2009 11:12:35 GMT -5
Move? In this econony? You cannot be serious. So in addition to spending time in family counseling they should also quit their job and also take on a second mortgate (houses aren't selling overnight)? Amazing! I find it utterly ridiculous the length some on this green board go to in an effort to support MMs bad behavior. Let's place this all on the victim's family to resolve. People have gone into debt or taken second mortgages for less. I would do whatever it took to get my child out of that school or even district, even if it meant pulling my child from his group of supportive friends. I don't think everyone is supporting MM's choice of words in that email or his perceived lack of compassion to the family. It's a matter of being able to look objectively at the situation. I believe there is a unanimous agreement that what he did was in very poor taste. He's received his conseqence for that. I find it incredible the lengths some who have recently come back to this board will go to to publicly hang the man. If anyone else on the board had sent that email, there wouldn't be the lynch mob there is over MM. He did not receive consequences, Mark Metzger decided what his consequences should be. If we apply objectivity, then there would have been some input from the community as to what the consequence is. The voters should decide if they want him to respresent them -- that is objective. Our representatives are supposed to reflect our thinking and values. He does not reflect mine. I am left to wonder what is the motivation for some to accept this behavior from a representative. Does his behavior reflect your own, making it more acceptable? If no, then how do you wish to be represented? Could it be that having Mark Metzger on the school board provides some personal benefit that would be lost if he steps aside? Access to information or special treatment? Just wondering?
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Post by cocrt21 on Mar 7, 2009 11:21:59 GMT -5
Drdavelasik - "I would do whatever it took to get my child out of that school or even district, even if it meant pulling my child from his group of supportive friends. "
If you mean the victim - that would tell him that he, as well as you, are a coward and you are to blame.
Assume you are talking to the offenders parents?
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